Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Randomize
