i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize
