We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
