Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
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