So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
