Her vagina should come with caution tape.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
wow bdsm is so cute
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
