Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
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