And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
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Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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