Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
birth control should be required to get into college
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
