why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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