dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
what day is it and did you see me today?
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
