so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
