problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
it hurts more in the daytime
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
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