so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
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Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
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