remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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