If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Randomize
