i jhust puked up my retainher.
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize
