I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
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She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
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I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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