apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Randomize
