Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
