And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
