My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
