So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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