the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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