I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
