Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize