i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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