After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Randomize
