Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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