I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Randomize
