Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
