maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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