it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Randomize
