bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
