My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
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