There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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