Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Randomize
