South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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