oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Drunk is a universal language darling
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