Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Randomize
