While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
