No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
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