I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
