I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
