Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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