Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
