People with herpes should wear stickers.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
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