Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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