need another drink. this is the easiest way
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
