He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Randomize
