she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
