i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
