I CAN MOONWALK!
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
