if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
