actually, I'm a sock model
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
