I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
You're breaking my sexual little heart
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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