Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
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