So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Randomize
