chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
