That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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