We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
