just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I need to calm my uterus...
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
