I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
I did not marry a roomba.
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