Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
