You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Randomize
