Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
