i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
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