shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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