I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
