I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
