I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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