I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
