I didn't shave. On purpose
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
I think I just sharted jello shots
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