Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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