Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
